Go East, Young Dem!

Dear Californians,

I’m writing from Ohio and noticed from the election stats that the Golden State has the most Democrats to spare. You’re so blue that if you donated 500,000 liberal voters to our state, you’d still radiate sapphire. Have you ever considered doing our democracy as well as the climate an epic favor by relocating here by 2024? With a half million of you, we’d rediscover what it feels like to be one of the cool kids, the blue states. 

I know what you’re thinking – yuck! Ohio? But we voted for Obama twice, so we’re not as scarlet as Oklahoma. You may hesitate because “Ohio” sounds really wholesome, like we’re located somewhere between Iowa and Kansas. With a sigh of relief, you’ll discover that we’re on the doorstep of the East. After a 105-minute flight, you can touch down in the Big Apple post-Covid for Broadway shows and Sicilian pizza. 

Speaking of flying, our airports are a breeze to access from the metro areas of Cincinnati, Columbus, and Cleveland and feature shockingly short security lines. Evidently, Ohio is so delightful that residents rarely feel the urge to leave. 

I get it – you’ll miss your beaches and sunshine. But you can surf in a lot of unlikely places, including Lake Erie! Some areas of Ohio get more sun than others, so if rays are a priority, you’ll have to research the state before you rent a U-Haul. Just imagine – fewer skin biopsies and lower dermatology bills. Not having daily sunshine makes us grateful when the fiery orb does appear.

Natural disasters like an occasional tornado or flood rarely happen in Ohio, so you’ll be incredulous when you see our home insurance bills. The only fires are the ones on our patios. Maybe in SoCal people do a little jig when it rains. Here in Ohio, water from the sky just makes us yawn. Its pitter-patter on our windowpanes lulls us to sleep. We desperately want 500,000 of you to take precipitation for granted again!

Ok, we may not have Lake Tahoe skiing. Our rolling terrain is like training bra bumps compared to California’s DD size mountains. This makes for great cross-country skiing and hiking. We don’t have Napa, but we have hundreds of wineries and microbreweries. Our autumn leaf show rivals New England’s, although they’ll never admit it.

 You’re ahead of us in marijuana legalization since we’re only a medical marijuana state. No, don’t stop reading now! Who better to move into our state than people who have firsthand expertise with edibles? The sooner you move here, the sooner we’ll hop onto the Mary Jane train.

Your traffic snarls will become a dim memory. Especially now that COVID has ushered in a lifestyle of working from home, Ohio is the bomb. You can bid adieu to your abode and instantly move up several notches when you get to the Buckeye State, where real estate prices and taxes are easier to swallow. If you dream of buying a six-bedroom farmhouse with acreage and raising a herd of romping goats, all you have to do is cobble together a few hundred thousand bucks. 

Another perk of gaining liberal Californians might be a second Democratic U.S. senator. (We’re the home of Sen. Sherrod Brown.) You’ll also be able to help boost women’s reproductive rights. We still have room for improvement with LGBTQ rights, but our capital, Columbus, sports a perfect 100 score on the Human Rights Campaign’s equality index.

If you’re still on the fence, would it help if I told you we’re a heaven for foodies, we’re loaded with top-notch universities and medical centers, and Ohioans are friendly to a fault? (No one honks here.) If you’re up to this rewarding challenge, please take the plunge. And hey, many of you are Midwest transplants, so give California some space and come on home.

Election 2020: Rethinking Our Collective and Personal Destiny

If this year’s presidential election were a game of tug of war, one could say that far in advance of game day, most people have dug into the sand and aren’t budging. They’re psyched to vote, which is thrilling, since voter apathy is a perennial issue in America. There’s bilateral angst concerning the fate of the nation if the opposing candidate wins, and there’s a sense that the populace as a whole is exhausted by political news. In keeping with the trend that happens at election time, some voters are researching countries to move to if the unimaginable happens. It’s difficult but not impossible to emigrate, but what if you don’t want to leave your decrepit parents behind or you grow teary-eyed thinking of abandoning a country where coffee-to-go is so ubiquitous?

One of the reasons that we were forced to read those dense essays in high school English classes – when our hormones told us that we should be doing anything BUT that – was for times like these. Now that we’re adults during Election 2020, Ralph Waldo Emerson is really starting to come in handy.

If you remember slogging through “Self-Reliance” as an acned teen, you might recall this quote:

“A political victory, a rise of rents, the recovery of your sick, or the return of your absent friend, or some other favorable event, raises your spirits, and you think good days are preparing for you. Do not believe it. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”

Or translated for our era, that means even if our preferred candidates win, we won’t be happy for long if our main source of contentment doesn’t come from within us. After all, in 2024, 2028, 2032… there will be more contentious presidential elections. In this two-party system, which doesn’t seem like it’s about to morph into a multi-party government anytime soon, we need to find a long-term personal strategy to cope with wide pendulum swings in leadership.

Emerson was the kind of all-American guy who thought we should plan to use our limited time on the planet to cultivate the best in ourselves and to be dissatisfied with the mediocre. He didn’t mean focusing on ourselves narcissistically but recommended shooting for improvement, introspection, and self-trust rather than allowing external forces to constantly intrude on our trains of thought. One dose of current events per day is reasonable, but an IV drip of news over the 17 hours that we’re awake is enough to blow our equanimity to bits. Compared to the mid-1800s when it wasn’t so easy to slurp up info from cyberspace, we’re becoming a nation of news junkies. We’re not going to live to be 121 years old, so we shouldn’t act like it by relinquishing our time and peace of mind so willingly.

Whether liberal or conservative, we have a lot more control over our lives than we think, no matter who’s in the White House. The people we surround ourselves with undoubtedly influence our quality of life and happiness level. This is one reason that many Californians wouldn’t be caught dead living in a place like Oklahoma and vice versa.

Prioritizing what’s happening in our state and local governments can help keep us sane by offering a different, often more palatable facet of our reality than what’s happening in D.C. And change nationally truly does begin locally. It’s feasible on the local level to run for office and win, feel that our voices are being heard, and exert some control over things that matter in our everyday lives.

To a degree, we possess the power to deal with climate change, racism, poverty, and health if we begin locally with our own homes and businesses. We tend to think of the U.S. in the aggregate, but it consists of about 330 million individuals, each of whom makes countless decisions each day that have a massive cumulative impact. It’s easier than ever to recognize that we can’t afford to wait around for the federal government to be mature and act responsibly. Those with ample cash have the power to opt for an electric car over a gas one, to install solar panels, or update their appliances with more energy-efficient ones. Walking/biking short distances rather than firing up the cylinders and patronizing farmers markets and local businesses whenever possible are small lifestyle choices that, multiplied by millions of people, constitute a quiet revolution. Treating our bodies well gives us more control over how often we end up in a doctor’s office – at least while the government works at a snail’s pace toward a national healthcare strategy. Shopping at businesses whose values align with our own gives us opportunities to speak with our dollars. Through social media, like-minded people can organize themselves to promote, protest, or boycott.

Obviously, the federal government plays many crucial roles, but we attribute it with much more power over us on a daily basis than it deserves. Concentrating on self-improvement, then on affairs regionally, is a healthier and more effective way to cope than indulging in handwringing over the wild mood swings of our national leadership. Attaching our mental state to a political party and allowing our daily ups and downs to be contingent upon its success is too high of a price to pay in distraction from our ultimate goal: developing ourselves to the max and finding meaning and purpose in our lives. If we don’t work on that, who will?

To close with another Emersonian nugget, “We are always getting ready to live but never living.” No matter who wins the elections this fall, we have to remember to live like we’re in the driver’s seat.

This Marriage Is Over: Time to Date Our Next-Door Neighbor

It’s nearly time for that cyclical November phenomenon when we liberals vow to move to Canada if the opposition wins. It’s not that we’re sore losers and don’t want to stay here just because a Republican comes out on top. Eisenhower was ok, and even Reagan and the elder Bush were palatable. If only conservatives would offer up a non-dregs-of-humanity candidate — but they’re enamored with the dregs model, it seems. So… back to our liberal ritual… first comes denial, then depression, then, “I’m getting the hell out of this country!” But what if, instead of threatening to move to Canada, we move Canada to us?

Trump may win in November, and four more years of MAGA will be like loaning your friend a pair of panties when she’s not packed enough for a camping trip. You hand over the undies saying, “Keep them. I have others!” After a second Trump term, most of the good stuff will be gone. Like air, water, multisyllabic words, endangered animals, freedom of speech, diplomacy, decency. The U.S. after eight years of Trump will be exactly like used underwear peppered with a stench of totalitarianism.

So rather than wait until 2024 to get our hopes up again, at which point one of the henchmen under his tutelage may slide into office anyway, it’s time to plan a merger of our East and West Coasts with Canada. Naturally, this Canada + U.S. coalescence would be christened Canadus. If you look at a map of Canada right now, you’ll see a few reasons why Canadians will be insanely gung-ho about the merger.

First of all, they have no palm trees. They would do anything to annex SoCal and Hawaii. (Yes, of course, we’re giving up Florida for Hawaii. Fair is fair!)

Secondly, their country is already fragmented into all sorts of unflattering, nonsensical shapes scattered all the way up to the Arctic Ocean. If they merge with our coasts (down to Mexico and screeching to a halt at Washington, D.C.), their nation’s outline would look no more haggard and unbecoming than it already does. In fact, it would resemble a massive crab with two big claws enveloping the remaining U.S. landmass, left behind like a dim-witted orphan. A threatening pose, to be sure, but a cool mascot idea for a hockey team. Previous plans for the U.S. coasts to secede failed only because the intervening states would’ve thrown a wrench into the works. Ideally, we need a land route, and Canadus is the solution because traffic from Portland to Boston could pass through scenic southern Canada, at least when the blizzards subside.

Can you imagine trading frowning, doltish Trump for dashing Trudeau, a man who can explain quantum computing as if he’s rattling off nursery rhymes? Not to mention, in a graphic design sense, the Canadian flag is way more stylish — not nearly as cluttered and clunky as the American flag — and suggests warm maple syrup dripping from pancakes on a frigid Saturday morning. Pot is legal there, there are more ethnic restaurants than you can throw a stick at, there’s no death penalty, and we’d be living in the same country as Prince Harry and Rachel McAdams. It doesn’t get any better, right?

Must every American who votes against Trump leave their red state to relocate to a coastal state? If so, those states will get unbearably crowded. No. Just look at the frickin’ map of Canada. It’s a vast tundra begging for warm, sweaty bodies to take up homesteading. And we Americans are famous the world over for having plenty of extra cushion like seals. We’ve evolved in the last fifty years precisely for populating Yukon and Nunavut.

What about the Trump supporters in Vermont who don’t want to be part of Canadus? They’ll just have to swap houses with Democrats in Wyoming. Yes, it’s that easy. If people feel strongly enough about their political views, trading their home for one in a politically compatible country is a paltry price to pay for peace of mind. And with a passport, we’ll all be able to visit each other, so no worries! It’ll be our version of Brexit but much less fucked up.

So what will become of the new U.S. unburdened of its liberal cohort? It will undoubtedly be poorer in many ways. Without the coastal areas, it will have lost a lot of manufacturing, tourism, tax revenue, cultural centers, top hospitals, young talent, and major universities. But it will have gained a new ease of governing. Fox News and the government can indulge their illicit love affair openly, and citizens will rejoice to be rid of obstructionists in Congress. The leader can lead, and the people can follow like sheep. The U.S. will regress into a developing nation, like India or Vietnam. And we will feel sorry for it, but we’ll also be hella glad we got the hell out of there.

Oh, what’s that you say? We may want to merge with Canada, but they may not want to merge with us? Merde.

PLEASE vote on November 3rd.

A New Breed of Conscientious Objector

Trump has been very flexible in accommodating corporations during his term, but sometimes his favors are unwelcome, which must really baffle him. One example is the pullout from the Paris Agreement, which aims to reduce the world’s greenhouse gas emissions. Globally, anybody who’s anybody has signed on to the pact. It includes even Russia, a nation that periodically poisons people on purpose, which illustrates how low the U.S. has sunk as a mover and a shaker on the climate change stage.

Fortunately, since 2017, many American companies and organizations have deduced that a pro-environment stance is good not only for the planet but also for business. We Are Still In is a group of over 3900 companies (such as Timberland, Apple, Microsoft, Netflix, Salesforce, and Gap), colleges, cities, faith groups, etc. that have signed a declaration to support the Paris Agreement by decreasing their greenhouse gas emissions despite the absence of leadership from the federal government. It’s an interesting list to peruse if you like taking a stand while spending your dollars.

One morning during my commute, the radio announced that Mr. Trump was rolling back a rule controlling methane emissions in the oil and gas industries and that the industries themselves were against the rollback. Lax regulations on methane gas emission are forecasted to harm the natural gas industry’s reputation, since this gas is marketed as being cleaner than coal with present regulations intact.

As usual when struck by irony, I cackled when I heard this. As far as environmental protection goes, our Commander in Chief aspires to be a Lex Luthor who can teach even major polluters like Shell, BP, and ExxonMobil a thing or two about being an eco-villain.

Now that it’s evident that many Americans mistrust scientists’ advice about Covid-19, it’s not so difficult to imagine how many doubters of climate change science are out there. Rolling back 100 environmental rules in the last four years, our President appears to identify with this science-averse tribe. To a rational person, aka a “radical environmentalist,” the revoking of such progress seems absurd. What human who likes to breathe air, eat food, and drink water would intentionally make them all more putrid?

Judging from the stubbornness of climate change skeptics, it seems that they’re betting our country is enclosed in a Truman Show-type dome that will shield us from the worsening extremes of weather. These people were very busy rolling spitballs and passing notes back in seventh grade science class. The water cycle, ocean currents, volcanic fallout, weather patterns, the greenhouse effect — these are phenomena that indicate we’re living on a dynamic planet, not a static one. Some think it’s hard to tolerate a mask now, but wait until growing levels of ozone, allergens, and wildfires increase the challenge of breathing with each passing year.

Now that Trump has given his blessing for drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, an area that’s made the oil industry drool for the last three decades, people from around the world are watching and anxious. They’ve been to the ANWR, they’ve seen photos, or they’ve watched a documentary about it. They view it as a wild gem that’s in danger of falling into greedy and exploitative hands, and they’re right to be alarmed.

Annually, millions of people from abroad visit our National Parks. These parks, often targeted by the present administration, showcase America’s beauty and our predecessors’ foresight in preserving wilderness. Foreigners enjoy them as breathtaking sights that just happen to lie on U.S. soil. Despite the fact that this is a sovereign nation, it’s unethical for our government to legalize abuse of the territory that lies between the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans, south of Canada and north of Mexico, just because we “own” it. Encouraging 100 environmental regulations to be rolled back since 2017 is a transgression against not only the American people but the world’s citizens.

We point fingers at Brazil for fires in the Amazon, Japan for hunting whales, and African countries for the deaths of endangered animals during times of war. We’re frustrated with these distant governments because we view white rhinos, elephants, gorillas, whales, and the Amazon as global treasures no matter whose borders envelop them. Just because we may not see our country as exotic doesn’t mean that this part of the world holds no fascination and awe for the rest of humanity. We need to make reversals of environmental protections in the U.S. something that can’t happen at the hands of a few powerful people at the expense of everyone else.

Although we aren’t a vocal majority, there are many of us who feel that spending time outdoors is a kind of religion. For us as well as for some conventionally religious Americans, nature is a crucial source of mental and spiritual replenishment. For these millions of nature enthusiasts, rolling back 100 environmental safeguards amounts to defiling their “church.” Consequently, a new cohort of conscientious objectors has taken shape.

Similar to objecting to a war against other humans, millions of us don’t approve of the battles against the environment that Trump has waged. Tax dollars are used to subsidize fossil fuel industries, and Trump’s barrage of edicts have given rise to a whack-a-mole procession of lawsuits that we necessarily must fund. Instead of emphasizing investing in measures that alleviate climate change, our dollars are earmarked for aid to victims of climate-change-related disasters. Like Thoreau withholding his poll tax, we would love to withhold our support from a government that acts so irresponsibly. Regrettably, refusing to pay our taxes is not a viable option. But voting is.

There’s a chance that soon we’ll awaken from the nightmarish war on the environment. Maybe our kids and grandkids will end up inheriting a gorgeous country that’s not been pillaged for all it’s worth. And those of us who don’t believe that we live in a Truman Show bubble look forward to cleaning up our act and fulfilling our obligation to the planet in the Paris Agreement rather than merely defecating in the global sandbox and swimming pool.

Biden, Brown, and a Buckeye State Win

As Ohio goes, so goes the nation. The state has long prided itself on siding with the winner of presidential elections, but this year, interest in Ohio’s role in the election has been lukewarm. Many have written the state off as a sea of Republican counties, partly due to the aging population and relatively low percentage of minorities. A lagging level of higher education here deepens the red hue, although ironically, Ohio is home to more colleges than most other states.

But hey, not so fast! Ohio craves attention and isn’t going to tolerate this indifference. Geometrically über-creative, we’re the only state with a non-rectangular flag. Columbus, now the second largest city in the Midwest after Chicago, is known for its LGBTQ-friendliness with more personality than ever before. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum has helped transform Cleveland from a city on a burning river (the things we’ll do for attention!) into a hip destination. Outspoken progressive Sherrod Brown constitutes half of our U.S. Senators, and we’re the birthplace of LeBron James, Steven Spielberg, and John Legend, none of whom are shrinking violets. We’re not going to abdicate our role as the bellwether state so easily…

Our 18 electoral votes are going to end up in the blue column, and I’m betting the farm on it. (No, there’s no farm, but it fits the stereotypes). Unlike Hillary Clinton, Biden is similar to Sherrod Brown in his candid rapport with the working class, and a Sherrod-infused Biden can take back this state.

In 2018, smack in the middle of Trump country in the middle of a Trump presidency, Brown again won his Senate race and has written the script for the next progressive presidential candidate if anyone will listen. All that candidate has to do is follow the playbook and avoid making gaffes. That may be a tall order for Biden but not impossible. Biden was on the 2012 winning ticket in areas like Dayton and Northern Ohio that haven’t been MAGA country long enough to have been dyed red permanently.

Although partisan politics is at times entertaining, it’s often destructive and an enemy of pragmatism. I was reminded of this while driving to work on a two-lane highway where a car crash diverted traffic off to minor side roads. All of us followed a driver who knew her way through the unfamiliar zigzagging country roads. The person in that leading car could’ve been a Trump fan, but all that we followers knew was that we were depending on this person to get us back to the main highway as efficiently as possible so that we could arrive at work on time. In a perfect world, politics would function like this. Too often, good ideas are disparaged merely because they originate from the other side of the aisle.

This time around, there can be no “basket of deplorables,” no “We’re going to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business” – lines that can be reworked in Trump’s campaign ads. Especially no quotes during a primetime TV debate about aborting a nine-month-old fetus. This doesn’t mean that Biden has to be spineless, but he can’t afford to be tone-deaf in a purple state. Tact is paramount – it’s like going to a couple’s house for dinner and learning that cream of tofu with snow peas is the entrée. You don’t act disgusted and bolt. You just eat what you can and excuse yourself from future dinner invites. For many Ohio voters, abortion is what drives them to vote, and for some of these, only a Republican will do. But some can be swayed from being single-issue voters if a candidate champions pressing issues like health care or more manufacturing jobs in the Rust Belt.

Ohio, like much of the U.S., hasn’t given up on God just yet. I live in a small college town with eight churches and fewer than 6000 residents. Just as Sherrod Brown isn’t shy about publicly discussing how his religious views inform his work on behalf of the average Ohioan, Biden should also feel comfortable referring to his faith. Especially in the currently unsettling climate of pandemic, unemployment, and protests, some voters will feel more at peace backing a candidate who relies at least in part on a solid religious foundation.

Although Biden’s record of public service speaks for itself, hopefully he’s also been studying how Senator Brown has retained his seat in Ohio during the Trump era. Brown has been a hero of the working class: for their wages, their sick time, their rights if employers fail to protect them. He’s fought for coal miners’ health care and pensions, and he’s rolled up his sleeves to discuss with farmers what he can do to support their agricultural livelihoods. He’s about social justice and working on issues that elevate the general citizenry. As long as Biden focuses on the common denominators that unite us instead of denigrating half the state as creationist, numbskull, racist manual laborers, Ohio should be his. At the very least, he will squeak by.

Biden needs to be more pro-American on trade and to show that he’s evolved over the decades. While he voted for NAFTA, Brown voted against it because he knew it would tempt companies to shutter their manufacturing in Ohio. As Brown’s predictions have been borne out, it’s up to Biden to help shore up the damage that NAFTA has done to the Midwest and turn the trend on its head. And he’s got to present his progressive agenda as the plan of a true patriot, rather than allow Republicans to claim patriotism as their domain.

Lastly, some advice to Biden – remember how maniacal the state is about OSU football. Use football jargon whenever possible. This will subliminally capture the hearts of Ohioans.

“The Fed threw a Hail Mary to help us survive the Coronavirus downturn.”

“We’re not going to cave if we get hit with a blitz of demands to lower our trade tariffs.”

“If I’m elected, we’ll be first and 10 again, starting with a clean slate.”

And insert the phrase “Hang on Sloopy,” a staple song of the OSU Marching Band, as often as possible into random sentences, which won’t be too difficult since no one really knows what it means anyway.

Rethinking Our Tactics in Countering Obesity

 

Last summer, Bill Maher delivered a monologue about the obesity epidemic in America and received a lot of pushback. The piece was provocative and led some in his audience to wonder, “Did he really say that out loud?” But Maher was prescient in his alarm at the health problems that accompany obesity, especially impairment of the immune system.

Scientists have found in the COVID pandemic that very overweight people are more vulnerable to the virus since their bodies are already suffering from chronic inflammation before the virus arrives on the scene to exacerbate that inflammatory state.

With over 42 percent of Americans qualifying as obese, over a fifth of annual medical spending in the U.S. is consumed treating conditions related to high Body Mass Indices (BMIs). And now, apparently, the fact that so many Americans are carrying around extra weight is proving to be a national Achilles’ heel as we’re trying to defeat this microscopic monster.

There’s a possibility of a change of the guard on January 20th, when health care policy will take center stage again, and America’s weight problem should be at the top of the list. Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move initiative against childhood obesity slowed the momentum of the epidemic but couldn’t escape the hatchet of the current administration. It’s puzzling why the Department of Defense spends a chunk of its budget on the care of overweight current and former military members only, while the citizenry as a whole has an obesity problem that adds to our overall vulnerability as a nation.

I’d like to offer an example of how society is not only spending excessively to treat obesity-related diseases but is also receiving a mediocre return on its investment due to the fact that patients are too large for even the latest medical equipment. 

As ultrasound techs in Appalachian Ohio, we scan outpatients daily who are, for example, 5’6” and 340 lbs. A BMI between 50 and 60 is pretty typical and is far beyond the normal BMI (low 20s) for adults. Ultrasound machines are manufactured for worldwide use and are not designed to scan morbidly obese patients. We do our best with overtaxed wrists and shoulders (ergonomic injuries are pervasive among sonographers) to compress the fatty tissue to get closer to the heart or kidneys to produce better pictures, but the results are often underwhelming. The depth of the organ is simply beyond what the machine was made to handle. Five years ago, scanning one 300-pound patient was noteworthy. Now two-thirds of our patients on a given day may be over 300 pounds.  

Obesity is famously complex. In addition to a love of eating, it can develop due to hereditary disorders, poverty, depression, cultural norms, accidents that leave people wheelchair-bound, restaurant portion sizes, physical/mental abuse issues, stress, sedentary jobs, night shifts with accompanying poor sleep habits, long distances to grocery stores but short distances to convenience stores, joint diseases precluding exercise, and certain medications – to list just a few causes.

The proliferation of cheap, sugary drinks and dollar menu fast food is a major culprit in the consumption of excess calories. It’s been fifty years since cigarette ads on TV and radio were banned, and the same ban should be extended to high calorie drinks and the fast food industry. Plenty of these items will be sold without advertisements just as many cigarettes still are. Encouraging people with billboards and commercials to visit a fast food joint on the way home from work for an elaborate burger that boasts between 60 and 90 grams of fat should be verboten. As companies profit from these menus filled with subsidized corn, meat, and soybeans, the rest of America is paying the price many times over. 

We’ve been compared to Europe a lot lately and often unfavorably. The U.S. feels a little like Jan Brady, complaining “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” when Europeans outdo us on so many quality-of-life issues. And while we know that the Italians and French don’t shy away from decadent foods, it’s also true that they walk and cycle more than many of us, rendering a gym membership redundant. With such a low population density compared to that of Europe, however, the layout of our land isn’t as conducive to commuting to work on a bike or walking to the local post office to mail a box.

If we can’t change geography, we can change the way we design residential communities so that exercise is built into our lifestyle. Presently, many grocery stores are located near off-ramps to make access convenient for highway travelers. Meanwhile, people living a mere mile from the store have a sea of pavement to cross without sidewalks or pedestrian bridges if they try to leave their car at home and walk to the store. We may be used to belting into an SUV for a mile drive to buy a few groceries, but that doesn’t make it a sustainable way to live for our own health or that of the planet. Zoning laws are intertwined with our sedentary culture. It’s clear that we’re in desperate need of residential areas creatively designed around human needs rather than around autos and highways.

Regardless of where people live, there are ways to get the steps in. SilverSneakers is a program currently available through certain Medicare plans in which Americans 65 and older can utilize thousands of gyms and other fitness locations for free. If we’re serious about a slimmer U.S., this program should be free for everyone 40 and over, ideally with a more inclusive name than SilverSneakers. How will we pay for this? Take the money from the Department of Defense budget – this is part of defense. SilverSneakers is not a failed brainchild of some bureaucratic idealists but is a program beloved and used by many, as evidenced by the public outcry when insurance companies have tried to cancel SilverSneakers coverage.

One reason obesity has been difficult to tackle is that it’s assumed to be harmful only to the obese. Something like puffing on a cigarette, on the other hand, more obviously affects the public at large as it pollutes air that we’re all sharing. But like smoking, obesity doesn’t affect just one segment of the public. It exacts high costs that we shoulder without even realizing what we’re paying for. Although we despise the turmoil that COVID has caused this year, the virus has taught us that America’s defense is not just missiles, fighter planes, and submarines but also the strength of our collective immune systems. And if widespread obesity is a weak link in the chain, then that’s the link that we should prioritize.

Silver Hairs: 24 Reasons You Should Start Cherishing Them

You may have been debating this for a while. Is it time to stop dyeing? Now that the pandemic has nixed your usual hair appointments and several centimeters of silver have oozed out of your scalp like Play-Doh in a Hasbro salon, you might’ve entertained the thought of going all the way. I’m here to tell you, once you go natural, you’ll never turn back. You’re on the verge, and this list may nudge you over the precipice.

1. As you age, your complexion lightens. That dark dye that you think looks fetching on you may be lending you a wan appearance, as if you’re anemic. Kind of like Morticia Addams. Your natural color is likely more in sync with your facial hues.
2. If you’re on the young side and have gone natural, people will suspect you’re a flower child born too late, a lesbian, a feminist, or an intellectual, too busy with matters of the mind to care what color your hair is. If you’re lucky, they’ll assume all of the above.
3. Swedish massages, pedicures, and pot are much better ways to relax than enduring monthly trips to your hairstylist for a touch-up or dye job. Divert your funds from the latter, invest them in the former, and enjoy a better quality of life.
4. You’ll never again be carded at a grocery store for buying alcohol. I know you’re 45 and ecstatic to be carded, tempted to kiss the carding cashier, but it’s gotta end someday. Do you really want to be carded until you’re collecting social security?
5. Letting your natural color develop unfettered is like unwrapping a surprise in slow motion since you have no clue which follicles will grow white hairs and which will sprout your original color, which you may not have seen for decades.
6. Unless you’re a cougar, your partner probably has as much or more white as you. So why worry about whether he (or she) will like your silvery strands? If he really minds the gray and offloads you, at least you’ll know you were with a guy still living in the Cold War era. It’s 2020, baby!
7. Afraid of looking old? If you act old at any age, you’ll be regarded that way. If you’re fit and active with radiant skin, avoid polyester pants, have an upbeat attitude, and steer away from short, permed granny hairstyles, you’ll be hip.
8. You’ve heard that when you go gray, long hair should be sheared or you’ll look like a witch. Long white hair is gorgeous, especially done up in a sophisticated style. And since when are witches ugly? It’s just that the ugly ones get more publicity.
9. When your hair sheds in the bathroom, half of it will be invisible so you won’t even see it on white fixtures. Great for those who like to procrastinate cleaning.
10. You pride yourself on the catcalls you elicit from random strangers on the street and fear that white hairs will put an end to them. Maybe, but, uh, isn’t that a plus?
11. For those who dye at home, you won’t be staining your sink, tile floor, shower curtain, and facial skin anymore. (See #9 about procrastination).
12. Several brands of hair dye contain nasty ingredients you probably shouldn’t be slathering all over your scalp, which is quite absorptive. And hairdressers’ exposure to daily dyeing isn’t without risk either. Your hair will be stronger and silkier when you give up the color. It will look oh, so strokable.
13. Plenty of female celebs have welcomed the silver and rocked it. It’s all in your attitude.
14. Men are considered debonair with gray hair. George Clooney, Obama, Richard Gere. If women aren’t interpreted as confident and stylish with gray hair, that’s only because society via marketing has brainwashed the populace.
15. As more women opt for their natural color, it will feel less rebellious and awkward to grow out the grays for the months/years that it takes. There’s safety in numbers!
16. Age discrimination works in both ways. You may imagine that you won’t be hired with gray because you’ll be deemed too ancient for the job. But then again, with your silver streaks, you may appear more experienced, confident, and reliable in an interview than your bleached rival, and that might make all the difference.
17. The family pets won’t care a lick what color your hair is, and aren’t we trying to please them more than anyone?
18. You might squirm through the first several months as friends and co-workers will be curious as to why you chose to give up the dye. But as you embrace the new you, so will others. And just think, you’ll never have to go through this transition again in your lifetime, unless you cave (but don’t)!
19. Certain clothing colors that never looked especially stunning on you, like blues, violets, and greens, now pop with your lighter hair. Silver jewelry with silver hair works marvelously. So do colorfully-rimmed eyeglasses.
20. I know, suntans are awful things to sport in this era of rampant skin cancer. But if you’re so negligent as to have accidentally browned your hide outdoors, silver hair looks amazing with a tan.
21. Just think of all the animals we love that are white. Polar bears, arctic wolves, unicorns, snowshoe hares. Think of your head as just another cool white-furred animal.
22. You’ve given of yourself as a mother, a caretaker, a partner, a friend. Be kind to yourself. What’s on the inside is more than enough. There’s no need to strive for a Barbie doll look to the grave.
23. You get to use that wild purple shampoo a few times a month that blondes buy to keep their hair from getting too brassy. It really cools your silvers and makes them glisten. You’ve earned those hairs, you might as well flaunt them!
24. Last but not least, be thrilled that you have hair. So many people on chemo would kill for your long white locks or just any locks.

Imagination Can Help Us Bridge the Chasms

In these recent months filled with news of epic wildfires, primaries, COVID-19, and demonstrations for racial justice, the one thing we can bet on is that just about everyone has an opinion about everything. Some people refuse to wear masks in a grocery store filled with senior citizens while others wear them religiously, even while riding a bike. For some, it’s easy to understand that African Americans (and all of us) have valid reasons for disillusionment with the status quo and methods of policing. To others, people of this race are naturally belligerent and are reacting more violently than civilized people should. Many Americans acknowledge climate change while others consider it a hoax. And the political divide in the U.S. between the two entrenched camps is reported to be widening daily.

The common denominator preventing us from seeing eye to eye on weighty issues nowadays is our collective lack of imagination. When I spot people reading books in a waiting room or on public transit, I’m always impressed. Not only are they using their time wisely, but they have the discipline to read and the desire to be transported outside of their own lives. In an era when the internet is heavily trafficked and streaming services are popular and addictive, reading is being relegated to the hinterlands of our lives, and it shows.

Studies abound that maintain that reading fiction and non-fiction enhances our ability to empathize. To spend hours with characters such as those in Huckleberry Finn, Uncle Tom’s Cabin, The Jungle, 1984, or Between the World and Me internalizes their experiences as our own. Recently, An American Marriage worked its magic on me. To enter the minds of characters whose lives have been turned upside down by a wrongful conviction based merely on a person’s skin color is eye-opening and much more powerful and enduring than watching such a story for five minutes on the evening news. Books like these have a potent and lasting impact by re-wiring readers’ attitudes.

Does a person really need to suffer through a case of COVID-19 like Boris Johnson did to realize that it’s not to be taken lightly? With a good imagination and by reading accounts of others afflicted by the virus, maybe he wouldn’t have continued to shake hands with people in hospitals up to the point when he tested positive. Even though Trump is tested often and knows he’s negative so far, he could boost anti-virus efforts by wearing a mask and setting an example for Americans. However, he seems unable to appreciate the virulence of the virus without contracting it personally. Only then would we hear: “It’s bad, very bad. I almost died, but in the end, it was the loser, not me. Honestly, I’m amazed how tough my body is.” Those who refuse to don masks cannot fathom how the infection could immobilize them for weeks or snuff them out altogether. Their ability to imagine is sadly subpar and is a result of relying only on direct life experiences and lacking the borrowed experiences that come from reading.

If you’re white and could unzip your skin and permanently zip yourself into a much darker shade of skin, would you? Probably not, unless you’re convinced that people with more melanin are treated fairly in our society. Americans with this latter conviction probably don’t know many African Americans and haven’t read much about their struggle. If you prefer not to be clad in a darker shade, it’s not only because you imagine that you’ll appear more suspect to police. It’s also because you realize that you may be turned down more easily for a mortgage and have less access to a good education, a house in a clean, safe neighborhood, or a high-paying job. People of all colors who are demonstrating in the streets peacefully are those who can envision a world where Caucasians would have no problem trading their skin for a different shade.

Do oceans have to flood the streets of Miami, Manhattan, and Venice before people will admit that climate change is real? Do widespread drought, famine, and subsequent wars need to ravage populations before doubters of science concede that the earth is heating up? Yes — in a world where so many are lacking imagination and empathy. Global warming, unlike the rampages of a pandemic, is slow, methodical, and irreversible once it occurs. There’s no way we’re going to lower the temperatures of the biosphere all of a sudden with last-ditch efforts. Because the pace is so gradual, it’s easy to rationalize that with a little ingenuity, we can adapt to anything nature throws our way. But if we read about specific examples of global warming, we can put ourselves in the shoes of indigenous groups like the Yup’ik of western Alaska whose way of life is already being decimated by climate change. We can grasp that they are the canary in the coal mine, and the threat we feel becomes more personal and imminent.

Will advertisements on TV, radio, billboards, and social media for political candidates determine how you vote this fall? These ads will undoubtedly be full of brief, catchy phrases devoid of real substance. Incredibly, many voters are satisfied nevertheless to base their votes on ads. They know what they know and are too lazy to dig deeper. Reading first person accounts — interviews of politicians or the books they’ve written — and getting to know them beyond pithy quotes on Facebook posts are really our duties as citizens.

It’s simplistic to think that reading can solve the world’s problems, but it’s a hugely powerful antidote to the habits of our extremely individualistic country where people are rushing around getting ahead, getting their own children ahead, and acquiring their groceries, entertainment, and news speedily and effortlessly. These days, when many of us hold opinions formed hastily from sound bites, we should shoot for slowing down to delve deeper into things. Fran Lebovitz has the right idea: “Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

 

 

The Things (Mostly) Men Say

“I can’t wait to tell my wife that a hot girl was rubbing my chest.”

“How can it be that you’re not wearing a wedding ring?”

“I haven’t had a girl tell me that she was going to ‘clean me up’ in a while!”

“My blood pressure is probably up because I have to look at you.”

This is just a smattering of the comments that female ultrasound techs are treated to on a regular basis. You can substitute nurses, dental hygienists, MRI techs, or female doctors for ultrasound techs, and it’s pretty much the same dish of remarks, but it may be a little worse for sonographers because we’re working in the dark. We’re not prudes in the least, and we enjoy banter to pass the time, but some guys need to think twice before they say what they’re thinking when the lights dim and the warm gel comes out. And these days, when we’re all wearing masks, men incredibly still don’t miss a beat rattling off these lines. They must really be into foreheads and eyes.

Naturally, sonographers work in low-lit rooms with patients who have removed a piece or two of clothing and are perfect strangers. If we were all Neanderthals or teenagers, we’d expect some grunts or raunchy comments. Most patients appear civilized and at least middle-aged, however, so it’s always astounding to hear what emanates from their mouths (or more specifically — from men’s lips).

Often for a heart ultrasound, when asked to remove their top, the dude will say, “I’ll take my shirt off if you take yours off.” Invariably, he thinks this is an original line, but it’s been used so often, it barely gets an eyeroll anymore.

“Boy, you sure do make a mess (gel) on the bed for being a married woman.” The endearing quips are seemingly endless.

Undoubtedly, some women attempt to scandalize their male health care workers, but the reports of this are few and far between. One reason for this classy behavior could be that women are taught not to banter too much or their flirtatiousness might escalate into a situation they didn’t bargain for. And as female patients age, they aren’t as influenced by the same hormones they had as teenagers, unlike men, who can still father a child in their eighties. This testosterone level must be partially responsible for the unbridled and confident one-liners that men pitch during an exam. That, and a societal notion that women are just waiting for guys to make the first move.

“Call me if you want to go out on a date!”

“I know a great karaoke bar where we could have a lot of fun.”

Everyone knows that a scan of your varicose veins or carotid arteries is the surest way to pick up a woman. How these guys can suggest a date after knowing us for just 45 minutes is pretty baffling. And after their ultrasounds, we know their physical flaws even more thoroughly than they do. But in their minds, the gel is warm, which means we must care deeply about their comfort, and we haven’t pinched them hard during the exam, which must imply that we’re tender, nurturing Florence Nightingales.

Men never seem to sense that their comments in a health care setting are offensive, aggressive, or awkward. On the contrary, they believe they are flattering, flirting, and ushering rays of joy into the room. Recently, I scanned an 80-year-old man who couldn’t bend down to take his pants off for a leg scan. As I stooped to remove his shoes and sweatpants, he gushed with steady eye contact, “It’s been so long since I’ve had a young woman take my clothes off.” Apparently, I’m to take this as a compliment: I remind him of his past lovers! But he has a big ulcer on the side of his leg, his toenails are long, crusty, and yellow, and I’m not at all touched by his sentimentality. As an old bitty preparing someday for a procedure carried out by a male health care worker, I can’t imagine that I’ll ever say to him, “You just reminded me of my prom date when you helped me pull my skirt up!” Or, “It’s been so long since a young man unzipped me from a dress — thank you!”

There are so many topics to talk about when under the care of a female health care worker. Rather than being invited to vacation at a man’s condo in Florida, we’d welcome hearing about his travel adventures, his kids’ accomplishments, how many steer he has on his farm, heck, even how he’s had run-ins with the law. Just don’t expect us to be shopping for a man when we’re just doing our job.

Reckless Alternatives for People Ready to Abandon Social Distancing

Andrew Cuomo, explaining why staying at home is necessary right now, told his antsy audience that “people have to understand – if you want to be reckless with your own life, don’t endanger others… don’t endanger health care workers, don’t endanger vulnerable people.” So apparently there’s a horde of devil-may-care Americans among us who are anxious to return to their old lives and think social distancing is for Chicken Littles. While staying at home is very painful for this cohort, they could run with the following reckless suggestions to survive this tedious chapter of their otherwise very stimulating lives. 

• Explore something you’ve always been curious about, like cross-dressing or going commando.
• Send billions to their death by emptying a package of instant yeast into boiling water.
• Answer all telemarketing calls and offer them your social security number even if they don’t ask for it.
• Learn how to eat fire, then practice it to perfection for the parties in your future. 
• Sunbathe naked in your yard til the police show up – unless you’re fit and toned – in which case no one will call anyone.
• Start a rumor about yourself on Facebook.
• Fire up the table saw in your garage after downing a few manhattans.
• Taste all the houseplants in your home and see which ones make you feel queasy.
• Bleach your hair, then straighten it every day without a heat protectant.
• Donate most of your savings to the charismatic televangelists Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker.
• Start raising hens for eggs even though keeping poultry isn’t exactly legal in your neighborhood.
• Rent a drone and fly it at an altitude of 401 feet. 
• Don’t read anything for a month but the instructions on frozen food boxes and see if your brain deteriorates further.
• Wipe back to front.
• Drink milk out of a paper bag while cruising back and forth in front of the local police station.
• Try shaving with a sharp knife.
• See how much ghost sauce you can sip straight out of the bottle before you need water.
• Attempt to outeat John Candy in The Great Outdoors by feasting on a 97 ounce steak in one sitting.
• Without hearing protection, blare Jimi Hendrix or Lil Wayne nightly until the windows vibrate.
• Dine on the dirty dozen in their dirty form as often as possible
• Venture outside during a thunderstorm and run some victory laps around the yard. If you aren’t struck by lightning, go back indoors and fall asleep in your wet clothes by the AC. 
• Dance naked with the blinds up and the lights on. 
• See if you can live on two hours of sleep every night for a week.
• Drink beer, followed by tequila, then beer, then vodka, then beer, then gin, and see if you feel fine the next morning.
• Transfer all the money you have in the stock market to a savings account at your local bank.
• Try vegan cheese
• Make a super fun homemade explosion, called “elephant toothpaste,” by mixing 35% hydrogen peroxide, dish soap, potassium iodide and food coloring.
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